I got a call yesterday from the extras agency I work for, to see if I wanted to do a sketch on Harry Hill’s TV burp. I don’t mind doing films and background stuff but I had horrible visions of being humiliated on national tv. I need the money so I said yes.
I arrive at the studios at around 2pm. It quickly becomes clear (as it has many times before) that I’m on the lowest rung of the ladder they call “talent”. Met by a work experience girl who gets lost at every turn I’m ushered into the green room to await my impending doom.
Maybe I’ve reached an all-time low, this is really scraping the barrel. I’m basically a prostitute. Selling my own likeness – not even myself – I’m a human prop. I climb into a royal footman’s uniform, still unsure of what I will have to do- then through wardrobe, then make-up. I wonder if its possible to “sell out” when you don’t receive much money.
What if Iggy Pop only gets $200 for those insurance adds? Or Ringo Starr only got £16.50 to help rebrand Aviva. If Duffy is cycling her way to the bank with a diet coke stuck to her mouth, why am I even considering the notion? Selling Out has always been a strange idea to me. When we played gigs and they “sold out” we were over the moon. Likewise, when we pressed 1000 singles we wanted rid of the lot- and we weren’t giving them away. Maybe, you can only sell out if you make money that is unreasonably large or that you don’t need. Or maybe it’s about compromise.
I prefer to subscribe to Bukowski’s idea that- the moment you take your eye off the page and onto your audience, that’s when you’re fucked. Anyway, I am but a spec of algae in the metaphorical sea of famous fishes. I have no fame to trade- just self-respect.
Through my wig and hat you’d hardly know it was me anyway. I’m sat in the studio now with a fake Jeremy Paxman and a pretend Lion tamer- the relief is tangible when I’m told all I have to do is blow a fanfare after Harry Hill makes some joke about Freaky Eaters. Its all over in about 30seconds and it’s a blink and you’d miss it moment. Thankyou god.
Rick
I looked a bit like this:
